


Trauma

by InnocentDumpling



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death Fix, Doctor/Patient, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Heartache, Love Confessions, Medical Procedures, Near Death Experiences, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InnocentDumpling/pseuds/InnocentDumpling
Summary: A whole day had elapsed since the news of Jiraiya's passing reached Tsunade. It was almost as if the Gods themselves wanted to push her to breaking point; just to see if maybe this time she might break for good.   [AU / Canon Divergent] [JiraTsu]
Relationships: Jiraiya/Tsunade (Naruto)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 61
Collections: Innocent Dumpling's Naruto Collection





	1. Darkness

A whole day had elapsed since it had been announced that Jiraiya had passed away, and to be frank; Tsunade had absolutely no desire to leave her house. Each hour was torturously slow and filled with sympathetic gazes from those that knew her both personally and from afar. It was starting to truly get on her nerves, what was she going to do with their sympathy? Nothing, she could do nothing with it. For the rest of the week, she was on a sabbatical; if she had to endure another day of tortured expressions, she would not be held responsible for what happened to those individuals.  
  
There was no doubt in her mind that the villagers, including her comrades, meant well but that didn’t matter right now; she was angry, hurt and incredibly frustrated, all of which made for a very dangerous cocktail. Brushing her forearm across her eyes, the Sannin sighs heavily, how many times had she found herself in this position? It was almost as if the Gods themselves wanted to push her to breaking point; just to see if maybe this time she might break for good. _First Nawaki, then Dan and now even you are gone Jiraiya_ ; She muses silently, hot tears sting at the medic’s eyes and proceed to spill down her cheeks, thick lashes fluttering closed. _I wasn’t supposed to win that bet. I told you to return you, old fool.  
  
_ Throat tightening, Tsunade squeezes her eyes tighter; it hurt, everything hurt. It was difficult to stop the darkness from swallowing her whole; it was looking appealing at this point. _I can't just lay here all day,_ the Sannin notes, forcing herself upright; golden tresses flutter over her shoulder as her weathered hands fall to her sides, gripping her sheets as she flicked her legs over the edge. “I need another drink,” she mutters softly, slowly pushing herself onto her feet and making her way out of her bedroom; the floorboards creaking beneath her feet.  
  
Without thinking, she seizes a half-empty sake bottle off the kitchen table before sitting down heavily in the nearest chair, staring across her living room at her front door. Plump lips twist as the blonde unscrews the lid, swigging the potent liquid effortlessly; bothering with a cup was simply a waste of time. An instant wave of satisfaction washes over her as the heat of the alcohol settles in her stomach, she wanted to drown herself in the substance; it was the only way she knew how to cope with such situations. Denial didn’t work for her; she’d tried that once before.  
  
It was ironic, how after all the years he spent relentlessly confessing his interest in her, she didn’t feel ready to accept his feelings until recently; and suddenly he was gone, killed in action. Bright eyes tremble as she slams the empty bottle on the kitchen table beside her alongside several others from the night before, cheeks flushing lightly as she crunches forward, fingers digging through her golden locks. This recurring trauma was eating at her from the inside out, sinking its fangs deep into her aching heart as she struggled to function; hot breath hitches in the back of her throat, her eyes trembling as her fingernails raked across her scalp. _I want to wake up. This can’t be my reality all over again_ , Tsunade’s mind cries out, lips trembling as she squeezes her shaking eyes closed once more.  
  
Her whole life felt like a never-ending nightmare and she was its captive; there was no plan b and there was no escape route, this was simply the hand fate had dealt her. Of course, yet again another source of happiness had been abolished from her life; she felt foolish for thinking that it wouldn’t be the final outcome in some way or another. Worse yet, she could’ve stopped it from happening; he refused her request for him to send for help if things were dire, she should’ve gone with him; she knew better than to trust that he would know when to quit. _Maybe Naruto was right in blaming me. I am at fault here?_ The Hokage wonders, hands shaking as she tugs at her blonde roots. That question had no answer, but it was sure to haunt her for the rest of her life.  
  
Body drifting upright, she glanced across at the empty bottle resting beside her, yet another mistake; “I should’ve thought this through. As if that was going to be enough to get me through this despicable week,” she grumbles under her alcohol saturated breath. It was a priority at this point, she couldn’t be damned by what the villagers thought of her intoxicated state; she was only just getting started. Heart pounding loudly in her chest, she slams one hand down on her kitchen table and pushes herself to her feet. Never in her life did she want to become this woman. She was fierce, powerful and intelligent; yet despite the countless formidable enemies she had faced, it was love that would break her, time and time again. “How pathetic. I must look so pathetic,” the leader repeats to herself as she mades her way to her front door, legs shaking slightly as she felt the alcohol take a grip of her. Eyes downcast, she turned the doorknob and opened the door; her eyes glazed with intoxication, a small comfort given how she felt.  
  
A shadow looms over her causing a shiver instantly rushing down her spine; eyes fixed on a familiar pair of red geta sandals. Eyes sweep up the figure clutching to her door frame, a bloodied and battered Jiraiya standing there before her; a beaming smile shining down upon her as their eyes locked at last. “You lost the bet,” Jiraiya croaks, fingertips smudging fresh blood down the door frame as he gripped it for support; knees buckling slightly as he winced, struggling to stay upright.  
  
Thunder cracks from above like a whip, a flash of lightning crashing from behind her; the chilled night air encircling her as she stands there in complete and utter shock. _Is this someone’s idea of a joke?_ Tsunade’s mind cries out, a fist clenching as she stares up into his kind eyes, tears overflowing as she examined his features carefully; ready to strike a punch at a moment’s notice if need be. It was impossible for him to have made it out of his last battle alive, let alone how he managed to make it home; but here he was. It had to be genjutsu, right?  
  
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Come on, I can’t look that bad with this handsome face,” he teases, knees buckling from beneath him at long last, hitting the cold stone of the threshold to her home. _Yep, that still hurts_ , he notes silently; a hand tracing down his chest, tugging at his shirt as fresh blood stained the material. It was hard to contain the glee he felt as he gazed upon her flawless features once more, but instead of observing an irritated expression, all he saw was insurmountable pain; reddened eyes, tear-stained cheeks and the reek of sake on her breath.  
  
Eyes widening the medic watches him carefully, the strong scent of blood was unmistakable; given it was once the source of so much terror for her, it was impossible for any genjutsu user to falsify it to such an extent. “It’s impossible,” Tsunade whispers, her voice shaking as she dropped to the floor, hands cupping his bloodied and bruised face as she stares at him in complete and utter disbelief; “Fukasaku told us you had died in battle.”  
  
A smirk claims his blood-stained lips as he presses his face into her right palm, fighting the ever-present urge to kiss it boldly; “You know me. I always find a way.” The sage struggles to his feet once more, getting a sneaky look down the Hokage’s top as he shakily plants his feet flat on the ground; I see the girls are still looking perky as ever, he muses silently despite his current state. “You know, I could use a doctor’s touch right about now?” He half laughs before coughing violently, throat burning as the taste of blood stings at his taste buds; Crap, I’ve already overexerted myself.  
  
“Try to not talk,” she scolds, eyes shifting from his bruised neck down to his blood-soaked shirt. _Rushing him to the hospital in this state is basically a death wish,_ Tsunade broods to herself, mind racing as she struggles to think clearly; _The facilities would be preferable but if he moves too much the bleeding will undoubtedly worsen. I have no choice._ Rising to her feet, the blonde slips her shoulder under his armpit; an arm snaking around his chest as she slowly escorts him inside her home, her foot slamming the door behind them. Taking a deep breath, she tries her best to think clearly through the haze of intoxication that clouds her mind. This was unprecedented circumstances. Healing while under the influence was never wise, but given his current state she was sure there was no other option; she could only pray that her skill set would tip the odds in their favour.  
  
Dazed, he feels his eyes growing heavy as he crossed the threshold into her home. His personal mission was finally complete, he had returned as promised. The warmth of her body radiates against him as he slowly lowers himself down, leaning back against her sofa as he planted his rear on the tiles. There was no doubt in his mind that she was his sole motivation for hanging on; without Tsunade’s presence in his life, he simply would’ve caved in to the cold embrace of death. She was worth the fight, without question. A bloodied hand reaches up to her face, thumbing away remnants of her tears from her alabaster cheeks; a smudge of blood taking its place. How was it that even when she was distraught she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on?  
  
Despite all the suffering he experienced during the battle with Pain; the only thing he could truly think of was her, no amount of suffering was able to rid his mind of her. As he fell deep into the cold depths of the ocean, ready to accept his fate, she was the one glimmer of light pulling him back to the present; just knowing that Tsunade was waiting for him gave him incomprehensible strength. It was impossible to pass into the afterlife peacefully knowing that simple fact; he would not surrender and allow himself to contribute to the long-standing string of pain she had been afflicted with. She deserved better, no; she needed better.  
  
Tsunade kneels between his legs, frozen temporarily as she feels his callused thumb trace across the apple of her cheek tenderly; throat tightening she chokes back tears, eyes squinting as her lips tremble. _Don’t look at me like you’re leaving. I cannot lose you all over again_ , her mind screams out, desperate to fight back. Her dominant hand quickly traces down the centre of his chest, a luminous green hue emanating from her palm as she carefully examined her patient; lips parting as she loses herself deep in thought. _The ten broken ribs and liver lacerations are easily fixed. The punctured lung and severe internal bleeding due to his ruptured spleen are a worry on the other hand,_ the medic muses; brows knitting together, concern washing over her. Her hand slides up to his bruised throat; _A moderately crushed trachea as suspected._ How was this stubborn man able to stand earlier let alone talk?  
  
Taking a deep breath, the medic sheds her jacket; tossing it aside as her gaze drifts up to his pale visage. “Lay down,” she orders sternly, a finger pointing towards the floor as she reaches for a cushion, propping it behind his head as he winces. _I could follow a traditional palm healing method, but it might be too slow. The severity of his wounds is far worse than I imagined. Given my lack of medical supplies at home, a chakra drip combined with palm healing will be the quickest way to manage this;_ she notes silently to herself, chakra flowing to the tips of her fingers slicing through his clothing and exposing the open wounds littering his chest. It was a difficult call, one that placed a risk on her own well-being given she would effectively be performing a living chakra transfusion for him.  
  
It is difficult to focus as she stares blankly down at his ravaged chest, she needs more details as soon as possible; this was not a normal assault, not just anyone could land significant blows on any of the legendary Sannin let alone leave one of them in such a state. But finding out how he made it home and details of the battle could wait, she needed to focus on the task at hand. Eyes flutter shut as the Hokage’s hands pressed together, her body slipping into a mild trance as she focused her chakra into each fingertip. Tsunade slowly pulls her palms apart, her fingertips still touching each other for a few short moments before they broke away; strings of glowing green chakra dipping between her hands as they draw apart. “I’m sorry, but this will hurt without anaesthesia,” she whispers, honey eyes flicking up to meet his gaze for a brief moment before her right hand slowly starts to press individual fingertips into each wound site; a chakra string connecting with each of the throbbing punctures the enemy had inflicted upon his chest. He howls, body jerking with every finger she slips into each sensitive wound; his eyes squeeze shut as he feels a tingle rush from each location the instant she withdraws each digit.  
  
Taking a deep breath, the blonde looks down, plunging all five fingertips into her life chakra point; gripping it delicately in the centre of her chest. A loud whimper escapes her as she feels the chakra point and chakra threads knit together. Gritting her teeth, she quickly withdraws her fingertips from the locale; blood dripping from her fingers as the chakra strands pulse gently and draws taut, connecting their chakra systems as she hunches forward. _I can do this. I just need to focus,_ she reminds herself, trying to avoid focusing on the metallic scent that was clouding her already hindered senses; her haemophilia may not have been as crippling as it once was, but it still lingered. The technique was not one for the inexperienced or weak-minded; the pain in itself was a sufficient deterrent, let alone the taxing effect it had on its user due to its leaching effect. Thankfully, her relationship with sake seemed to soften the constant stabbing pain emanating from within her chest.  
  
“Tsunade!” Jiraiya calls out nervously, eyes widening as he tries to sit upright, a blood curdled coughing fit gripping him as he winces; Tsunade’s eyes roam from his chest up to his visage glaring daggers in his direction, stopping him in his tracks. “Just don’t overdo it,” he adds hesitantly, there was no stopping her once she was in medic mode; the best thing he could do was sit back and not interfere with whatever her strategy was.  
  
 _That fool doesn’t realise how close he came to the afterlife, does he?_ Tsunade notes in complete and utter frustration, her shoulders slackening as a pair of chakra enveloped hands began tracing across his chest as she got to work. Leaning forward, an intense look of concentration grips her stunning features; rays of chakra gushing from her fingertips as they hover above the abused organs, desperate to stop the internal haemorrhaging.  
  
 _There it is,_ Jiraiya notes as he smiles sleepily up at the medic; _That irresistible ‘I am unstoppable’ expression of hers._ A cool feeling slowly emanates from his chest, the gaping wounds slowly knitting themselves closed as the blonde hovers over him; he thought he’d seen it all, but this the technique she was using seemed to be yet another one of her self-taught techniques. Grinning his eyes flutter closed as he slips into darkness; falling unconscious.  
  
“Don’t you dare!” The blonde howls; slack golden ponytails flicking over her shoulders as she gazes down at him. The fight was far from over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! You will find out more details around Jiraiya's escape from the clutches of death and journey home in the next chapter.
> 
> If you enjoyed this chapter please be sure to leave a review as I’d love to hear your thoughts and it helps motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Thank you so much for your support!


	2. Intoxicated

Taking a sharp breath, Jiraiya bolted upright; hands flicking instinctively to his chest, fingertips tracing across his torn shirt, silently searching for his gaping wounds only to find nothing of the sort. Realization hit him like a tonne of bricks as dark eyes scan around the room, the scent of sake clinging to the air as he turned to look beside him. The voluptuous blonde’s torso was draped across the couch, eyes closed and a bottle of beer nestled against the palm of her hand; empty bottles of its likeness strewn across the tiles beside her. _She’s dug into her emergency alcohol rations_ , He notes silently, eyeing the uncharacteristic substance choice; _Just how much has she drank lately?  
  
_“You pulled it off” he whispers softly, as he looks across at the blonde; _I expected no less from you. You really are a formidable force Lady Hokage._ There was no doubt that the process and his sudden return had taken a toll on the strong woman before him. It would’ve been a lot to process, let alone to handle such a situation at the drop of a hat, a true nod to her unequalled skill.  
  
A soft whimper slips from between Tsunade’s lips as her brows furrow; golden bangs fluttering past her eyes as her grip on the neck of her beer bottle tightened. How was it that even in her drunken stupor she still managed to look completely and utterly breathtaking? _It should be punishable by law_ , he muses silently. “Can you hear me?” Jiraiya whispers, edging forward carefully as she shifted her arm down to her side, her ample bosom exposed. _Jackpot! I wonder if I can get a better look? Maybe, just maybe_ , he muses to himself; a giddy grin gripping the corners of his mouth.  
  
Tsunade’s eyes flick open as if by instinct, taking in the perverse expression printed across her comrade’s face. “You’re clearly feeling better. Show some self-control will you?” Tsunade mutters, arching backwards a fraction in an effort to relieve the pressure in her back; _Looks like he’s back to being his usual indecent self_. Head throbbing slightly, the blonde turned and pressed her back against the couch, golden locks draping across its surface as she sighed heavily; _I didn’t drink that much after the surgery did I? I guess it has been a while since I mixed drinks.  
  
_“Control? I’ve been controlling myself for years,” the writer fights back, his voice dripping with enthusiasm as he puffed out his chest proudly. _If you only knew what goes through my mind you would struggle to look me in the eye_ , he thought to himself as he pointed gun fingers in her direction; “I’ve got the self-control of a saint.”  
  
Scoffing the blonde traces a hand through the tail end of one of her ponytails, an intoxicated smile crossing her lips. “That might be the most frightening concept I’ve heard in quite some time,” she declares as she lowers her gaze to the floor; scanning the array of bottles dispersed around her, in the hopes that she might’ve left one half-empty nearby thus preventing another expedition to the fridge. _If anything he is consistent. Always a lecher_ , she notes silently, lifting an empty bottle up towards the light to inspect its non-existent contents; _He does have a heart of gold however. I’ll admit that much._  
  
“Don’t lie. You are curious about those thoughts in the far corners of my mind aren’t you?” the male teases playfully, knowing full well that Tsunade had little to no interest in encouraging his perverse behaviour at the best of times. But there was no time like the present to turn over a new leaf, right? Wriggling his brows mischievously Jiraiya tapped a finger against his left temple, “If you want to know I can give you a few examples, but it will cost you.” _Can’t blame a guy for trying, right?  
  
_“At the moment I’m more curious how you managed to make it here with those substantial injuries,” Tsunade states; scooping a few empty bottles in her arms, and carrying them over to her cluttered kitchen table. Sighing, she turns into the kitchen, reappearing in the lounge area with fresh bottles in a matter of seconds; “At the moment I’m more curious how you managed to make it here with those substantial injuries. We were advised by Fukasaku that you died in battle. I don’t understand how any of this is even possible.” Exhaling heavily, Tsunade sat back down beside Jiraiya; thighs brushing against him as she turned to face him offering a single beer somewhat sheepishly. _It would be rude to not offer him anything after what he went through, right?_ She wonders as she places another on the tiles beside her. _It still feels so surreal that he even made it back home. I’ve never been so glad that I lost a bet.  
  
_With everything that had occurred, he had completely forgotten to elaborate on his grand escape; let alone to share the intel he had gathered during his battle. Perhaps the later could wait until she was sobered up and back in the office. Now was hardly the time for a mission debrief. “I got away the same way I got into Amegakure. Inside Gamagoro’s belly,” Jiraiya replies simply, proceeding to shake his head to silently decline her offer of beer. “That type of technique is not intended for long trips, however. It was cramped and torturously slow, but it got me back home,” he adds, plaiting his arms across his chest; observing the medic as she took a sizable swig of beer, almost downing all its contents in one fell swoop. Despite her clearly intoxicated state, she was still managing to maintain a somewhat steady posture and sentence structure; _Such a drinking veteran. Your age is showing Tsunade.  
  
_“You’re lucky you didn’t bleed out on that journey! You should never remove objects you have been impaled with for future reference,” she barks, pointing a finger aggressively in his direction as she spoke. _Doesn’t everyone know such a simple thing? Surely it is blatantly obvious!_ Her mind cries out in sheer horror; _Did his common sense fly out the window?_ Tsunade averts her gaze and proceeds to scull the remainder of her beverage, frustration consuming her. “I swear your goal is to just cause me stress,” she notes, slamming the empty bottle down on the tiles, sighing in satisfaction.  
  
A lecture. He knew this was coming. She simply couldn’t help herself. Over the years it was one thing he had come to expect at any and all opportunities regarding medical emergencies. “Hey, I made it back. That’s the main thing,” Jiraiya chimes, his untroubled eyes beaming back at her seemingly nonchalant expression. It was clear that the premature declaration of his passing had left her with anxiety regarding his safety. _Just what would’ve happened if I surrendered to the situation?_ He mused to himself. _Would she have found the strength within her to forgive me for departing this life prematurely? Or would she have simply lived her life in a state of never-ending grief, as she had desired to after Nawaki and Dan?_ The thought was grim to say the least. Her ability to cope with loss was lacking due to the depth of the love she had for those she surrounded herself with.  
  
_So much could’ve gone wrong you damn fool_ , Tsunade notes to herself as she twisted open another beer; proceeding to turn and drape her torso across the couch cushion once more. A frown claims her lips as she gazes over her shoulder at her jolly companion _, The odds were stacked against you. How can you sit there and smile in such a carefree way?_ His overwhelmingly positive nature was somewhat comforting despite his ignorance. It served to balance out her natural pessimistic nature yet it did little to sway her concerns regarding his brash decision making.  
  
“You’re frowning. You know what they say about that,” Jiraiya teases as he leans forward, dangerously poking the minuscule wrinkles at the corners of her eyes. _Come on, that’s funny and you know it_ , he muses with a sheepish grin. Usually, such a comment would land him in a hospital bed, with the blonde refusing to treat his wounds out of pure spite. But instead, she simply scowled; her alabaster cheeks flushing as evidence of her alcoholic indulgence was slowly starting to surface.  
  
He was provoking her, a feeble attempt to distract her from continuing to lecture him no doubt. His comment was cruel and yet clearly in jest, something she could identify even in her current state. Sighing heavily she took a sizable sip of beer, the cool substance slipping down her throat as her mind wandered; I can’t even argue with that snide remark. I’m getting old and my transformation jutsu isn’t as effective as it once was. “I don’t even have it in me to scold you,” Tsunade responds, fingers toying with the neck of her beer bottle. Thick lashes flutter downwards as she stared at his torn shirt, dried blood speckled abs peeking out from underneath; “I’m just thankful that you made it home.”  
  
“How thankful are we talking?” Jiraiya teases playfully, his eyes dancing mischievously as his gaze flicked down to her cleavage pressed up against the cushion of the couch. _Letting me cop a feel kind of thankful? Or just letting me have a few sneaky perves type of thankful?_ He muses to himself, a broad grin gripping his devilishly handsome face as his eyes instinctively flicked back up to her visage for his own protection.  
  
Tsunade sighs and swigs the last of her beer, the alcohol-induced haze continuing to grip her senses as she places the empty bottle down beside the couch. “You never give up do you?” she states flatly, her eyes fixed on his strong jawline as she turned to face him; “Am I that attractive to you?” The answer was evident, but in her current state, she couldn’t help but pry.  
  
“Why would I give up? I am a stubborn old fool who knows what he wants,” Jiraiya half laughs as he eyed the Hokage as she swayed slightly; her stern expression impossible to take seriously as she stared back at him. “Attractive isn’t the word I would use,” he goes on to state, twisting his lips slightly as his bloodied hands trace down his legs; “You are my true north. Whether you even want me here or not, all paths lead to you.” Maybe it was cheesy, but it was the truth.  
  
Perhaps she had drank too much, or maybe she had lost herself in the false sense grief that clung to her, but as she sat there listening to those words tumble from his lips with such resolve, it was impossible to not feel the heat rushing through her. She was drawn to him, every part of him. From his goofy perverted smile through to his serious declarations of affection. Plump lips part for a moment as she stares back at him silently, her heart thumping wildly in her chest as she raked her fingertips across the sofa cushion. “Close your eyes,” She orders, voice stern as she peered across at him.  
  
Taken back, the white-haired male raises a brow unsurely as he complies. “If you’re going to hit me like usual, I don’t need to close my eyes you know,” he muses softly, voice unwavering as he heard her shift from beside him; piercing silence filling the air until an unfamiliar warmth slipped onto his lap. His eyes flick open and immediately widen as his gaze locks with the blonde’s.  
  
Tsunade presses a finger against his lips, her pelvis shifting nervously against his groin. “If you say anything disgusting, I swear I will change my mind,” Tsunade whispers under her breath, fingertips raking from his lips and proceeding to trail down the length of his neck. _Call it a celebration of life if you will_ , she muses, eyes locked on his startled gaze.  
  
The Sannin gulps hard, his hands seizing the voluptuous woman’s waist as he tries to halt her advances. This exact situation had played out in the theatre of his mind countless times, but there wasn’t an instance in which he reacted the way in which he was about to. It was evident that she was intoxicated. He was accustomed to that, but this time it was different. She was emotionally vulnerable to an extent he had only witnessed twice before and knowing just how deeply those wounds cut her on previous occasions, it was impossible to put his carnal needs before her wellbeing. Furthermore, if she passed off an intimate moment with him as nothing other than a drunken mistake, it would be shattering. Taking a deep breath he reached up, hands cupping her flushed cheeks, as he smiled gently. Nothing needed to be said, _Have I lost my mind?  
  
_Lips tremble as the blonde blinks back tears, her stubborn gaze fixed on his softening features as calloused thumbs trace tenderly across the apples of her cheeks. “You’re not supposed to look at me like that,” she whispers, her strong voice wavering as her shoulders slumped; did she really look so pitiful right now that he would gaze upon her in such a manner? “I’m fine you fool,” Tsunade adds feistily, her hands flicking up to his chest, fingertips tracing down the centre of his pectorals as her gaze drifted down to one of his fresh scars. Wetness traces down the curve of her plump cheeks, further impairing her drunken vision as she hunches forward; crying was weak, and yet today the tears never seemed to stop flowing. _Damn it_ , she curses silently.  
  
“You are a terrible liar. You are crying,” Jiraiya states flatly, a weathered hand slipping down to the Hokage’s jawline gently lifting her chin. _I’m not going anywhere, you made sure of that_ , he muses silently, his other hand tentatively raking stray golden strands behind her ear; _I’ve waited this long. There’s no rush.  
  
_“I’m not crying,” she fires back, pressing her forehead into the nook of Jiraiya’s neck; “I wouldn’t cry over you.” Squeezing her eyes shut, she glided her hands around the sides of his broad chest, pulling him into a tight embrace; _If I lost you, I wouldn’t even know how to move forward. I won’t make this mistake again._ Strong arms envelop the small of her waist, her beloved’s head rubbed against hers for a split second. If she denied the cathartic nature of his embrace she would be lying, his unwavering affection was therapeutic; just as his presence had been when she found herself sitting in a pit of grief in the past. He was always there, no questions asked. Perhaps he knew the comfort he offered without so much as a word being uttered between them.  
  
“I guess I was just seeing things then,” Jiraiya replies calmly, his companion's warm tears dripping onto his exposed chest, trailing downwards; “Can we sit here like this for a little longer? For my sake only of course.” She was proud, far too proud to admit to any of it, drunk or not; so he would play along until his presence was no longer desired, whatever helped put her at ease. _You are without a doubt the most stubborn woman I have ever set eyes on_ , Jiraiya muses as he presses his eyes shut; _I love you.  
  
_Quivering fingers tug at his shirt, Tsunade’s shoulders slackening as she relaxed into his comforting embrace. Lips part, silence befalling her for a moment as she pulls backwards; tear-filled eyes locking with his ever-patient gaze. He had never put that look into words, it was simply an unspoken truth; even as the years passed, it remained unchanged, a constant in her whirlwind of a life that formed a safety net she took for granted in hindsight. Chest tightening, she slides her hands from his back and down to her lap, tugging at the hem of her top, it needed to be said; _I won’t live with regrets._ “I love you,” she admits at last, her glassy gaze lowering as she averted her gaze; Jiraiya’s strong arms enveloping her tighter than before, his warm breath caressing her neck as he sighed contently.  
  
“I know,” Jiraiya replies gently, warmness swelling in his chest as he buried his forehead into the nook of her neck. “You better remember this in the morning you alcoholic,” he teases, a warmness present in his voice as he felt her settle into his embrace, fingers sinking into his snowy locks. _Who would’ve thought?_ He muses, elation consuming him as she hit his back playfully in response to his prior comment. _Maybe I should knock on death’s door more often?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reaching the latest chapter! If you enjoyed it please be consider leaving a review as I’d love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> I have a few other Naruto stories up on my account (with more to come). You can [click here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Naruto_Collection) to check them out if you're hungry for more content about this amazing ship. 
> 
> If you want to chat you can find me over on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ImpureDumpling).


End file.
